UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

Early Game: First Place vs. First Aid Kit

On paper, this is a mismatch.

In the standings, it’s 1st vs 3rd. In goal differential, it’s +43 vs -26. In vibes, it’s “quiet confidence” vs “please don’t let it get ugly.”

The Gamblers sit atop the league at 9-1-0, scoring 60 goals while allowing just 17. That’s not balance. That’s structural dominance.

The Mustangs are 3-6-1, trying to convince themselves this is still a season and not a cautionary tale.

Power Rankings Reality Check

Right now, the league tiers look like this:

• Tier 1 – The Problem: Gamblers
• Tier 2 – Still Dangerous: Whalers
• Tier 3 – Therapy Required: Mustangs & Lumberjacks
• Tier 4 – Existential Fog: Tuck

The Mustangs don’t just need a win. They need a storyline.

Gamblers Arrogance Meter™

Current reading: 7.8 / 10

• Comfortable at the top? ?
• Scoring depth that feels unfair? ?
• Defensemen jumping into rushes “because why not”? ?
• Forgetting what it feels like to trail? Probably ?

If this climbs above 8.5, someone will attempt a no-look pass at the offensive blue line and call it “creative.”

3 Things That MUST Happen for a Mustangs Upset

1. Farr Goes Nuclear
Colin Farr needs to temporarily become 2003 Brodeur. Not “solid.” Not “good.” Nuclear.

2. Meyer & Rivellini Get Frustrated
If Will Meyer and Billy Rivellini are smiling in warmups, this gets ugly. If they’re slamming sticks by the second period, we have drama.

3. Zero Defensive Pizzas
No blind cross-ice clears. No “I thought you had it.” No soft rim attempts into forecheckers.

Worst Case Scenario (Gamblers Edition)

Mustangs start hot. Farr makes 12 saves in the first. Crowd energy up.

Then Sean Collins scores on a rebound. Then Marrazzo banks one in from a disrespectful angle. Then Goose LaCroix flattens someone and the power play converts.

Suddenly it’s 4-0 and the Mustangs bench goes quiet in that very specific way where nobody makes eye contact.

The Prophecy (Upset Edition)

It starts with chaos.

A weird bounce. A post. A greasy net-front goal.

The Mustangs go up 1-0. The Gamblers laugh.

They stop laughing when it’s 2-0.

Farr makes a glove save on Meyer that gets replayed twice in warmups next week. Rivellini hits iron. Twice.

Late third. 2-2. Scramble in front. Somebody nobody expected pokes it home.

3-2 Mustangs.

Arrogance meter reset to 3.1.

Totally Real Pre-Game Quotes

Will Meyer: “We don’t look at standings.” (He absolutely looked at the standings.)

Colin Farr: “I feel good.” He might actually mean it.

Sean Collins: “First place is comfortable.” He did not whisper it.

Anonymous Mustang: “We just need one bounce.” They will need several.

Puck drops soon. Stretch. Hydrate. Don’t live-tweet your defensive mistakes.

From Ghost Benches to Heartbreak: Mustangs Flip the Script

Early Game — Gamblers vs Mustangs

“15 Minutes Early” and 60 Minutes of Emotional Damage 

This one started the way all responsible adult sporting events should: with nobody there.

Because the rink schedule opened up early, the UVHL put out a polite little message: “If the ice is ready 15 minutes early, we’ll drop the puck 15 minutes early.” A normal league would interpret that as “be ready.” The Gamblers and Mustangs interpreted it as “show up whenever your coffee finishes raising your blood pressure.”

So the puck dropped to… empty benches. A ghost game. A phantom first shift. The purest form of beer league. Players trickled in as the period went on like it was a networking event and not a hockey game.

The Gamblers were also missing two major components of their usual offensive crime spree: Matty “The Milkman” Marrazzo and Billy “River Boat” Rivellini. So naturally, this became the kind of night where the Mustangs sniffed an upset… and the hockey gods said, “Sure—but we’re going to make it weird.”

1st Period: The Gamblers Fly, Farr Says “Not Tonight”

The first real storyline wasn’t scoring—it was that Colin “C. Money” Farr decided to start the night by doing violence to the Gamblers’ confidence.

An early high stick from Ethan “Scribbles” Scribner (on Zach “The Tinder Swindler” Aher, which is objectively hilarious) put the Mustangs on the kill. Rumor has it Scribbles wasn’t even mad about the puck—he was mad that Aher has “emotionally enriched” the entire Upper Valley Tinder demographic.

The Mustangs actually killed it, but not before a Topo “Thing 1” LaCroix to Goose “Thing 2” LaCroix backdoor look that should have been a goal—until Farr made a save that felt personal.

The Gamblers finally broke through anyway, and it was the kind of goal you score when you’re missing stars: not pretty, just relentless. Aaron “DAMN MAN” Damren followed his own play like a man chasing his car keys, wrapped the net, shoved a puck into the crease, and watched it bounce off a Mustang and in.

But then the Mustangs did something they haven’t always done against the Gamblers: they answered with a moment of actual talent.

Chase Engdahl took the puck, used the referee as a literal moving screen, and turned Aher into a Beyblade before going backhand and scoring. It was filthy. It was confident. It was a “we belong here” goal.

End of 1st: tied 1–1, but the shots (14–5 Gamblers) told the darker truth: Farr was already doing unpaid overtime.

2nd Period: Collins Goes Bar Down, Then Everyone Loses Their Minds

The second period opened with the Gamblers on the power play, and it didn’t even matter that the puck movement was just “fine,” because Sean “Copland” Collins decided to commit a solo crime.

He picked up a loose puck in the neutral zone, cut back at the blue line, walked right by Mike “The Bike” Cimis, improved his angle, and ripped one bar down over Farr’s blocker.

A defenseman doing that in beer league is the equivalent of showing up to a casual poker night with a briefcase full of casino chips.

But the Mustangs didn’t fold. They hit back immediately with a greasy, high-speed net crash that looked suspiciously like a team that actually talked before the game.

James “Breadman” Baker and Van “Wilder” Bailey went to the net like they were trying to collect debts, and Engdahl feathered a pass through traffic to Bailey backdoor. “Of course I was passing to Van,” Engdahl said afterward. “I had like three inches. Nailed it.” Which is… a sentence that should never be said in public.

Then we had the moment that will be debated in parking lots for the next decade: the Topo LaCroix “batted puck” goal that got waved off. No replay, no challenge, and two refs trying to see through six bodies. The next day’s video suggests it probably counted. But in the moment? It didn’t. And in the UVHL, reality is whatever the ref saw from 70 feet away through chaos.

The game got nastier. Baker took a hook trying to stop an odd-man rush and later said, “I thought it was a pretty good penalty.” That’s the kind of quote you give when you’re already planning your apology text.

Right after, the Mustangs grabbed the lead when Ryan “The Boogeyman” Bergeron tried a soft backhand flip out that died ten feet later, and Baker—fresh out of the box—snapped it home unassisted.

So yes: the Gamblers were missing their scorers, and instead their defensemen started scoring anyway. Because of course they did.

Late in the period the Gamblers responded with back-to-back blasts from the point by Collins and Damren, and suddenly it was 4–3 Gamblers heading into the third.

That lead felt safe for approximately one second.

3rd Period: The Post, The Own Goal, The Muffin, The Collapse

The Gamblers had the chance to put it away on a gorgeous 2-on-1 with Luke Deary and Goose LaCroix.

It was perfect. Farr was down. The net was open. Deary had time. And then… Deary hit the post.

Not “missed.” Not “saved.” Post.

That is the kind of clang that follows you into retirement. Deary will hear that sound in his dreams when he’s 62 and trying to enjoy a sandwich.

And because the hockey gods are petty, the Mustangs tied it on a goal that shouldn’t exist in a just world:

Baker threw a centering pass that bounced off Bergeron’s toe and somehow redirected toward the net. Tucker Garrity-Hanchett—normally calm, normally huge, normally annoying—got caught napping and flicked the puck into his own net.

Baker then accidentally clipped TGH and knocked his helmet off, which was basically the universe writing “LOL” in all caps.

We all assumed shootout. We were fools.

With 20 seconds left, Collins—after a monster night—coughed up a puck up the middle like his brain had already left for overtime. Scribbles stepped in and fired a muffin that somehow beat TGH low blocker.

Two goals in the third that TGH will want back, and one catastrophic pizza by a defenseman who is absolutely allowed one brain fart per season… but he chose the loudest possible time.

FINAL: Mustangs 5 – Gamblers 4

3 Stars (With Attitude)

1. Colin “C. Money” Farr — survived 33 shots worth of chaos and kept the Mustangs alive long enough for the universe to help.
2. Sean “Copland” Collins — two bombs from the point, controlled play… and one late pizza that will live forever.
3. James “Breadman” Baker — scored, caused problems, and played like a man powered by spite and caffeine.

Gamblers Emotional Collapse Index™

• Empty benches at puck drop: +1 (confusion)
• Deary hits an open-net post: +6 (nightmare fuel)
• Goalie own-goal: +4 (unacceptable reality)
• Game-losing turnover with 0:20 left: +10 (full implosion)

Total: 21 units. That’s not a loss. That’s a memory.