UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

Wednesday, November 4, 2026 | 7:55 PM | Wendell A. Barwood Arena

Lumberjacks 5, Gamblers 1 | Shots: Gamblers 39, Lumberjacks 21

The Gamblers arrived Wednesday night with a 27–13 historical advantage, five consecutive wins over the Lumberjacks, and all the confidence of a casino owner watching a tourist approach a blackjack table. They left with a 5–1 loss, 39 shots, and the unsettling knowledge that Luke “The Duke” McCormick had personally decided to shut down the entire gambling industry.

Luke “The Duke” McCormick stopped 38 of 39 shots. Nate “Cool Hand” DeLuca scored a hat trick. Jordy “McNasty” McGee had a goal, two assists, and an individual highlight that should probably require a parental advisory. The Lumberjacks are 2–0, and the Gamblers are discovering that “the house always wins” is apparently more of a suggestion.

Our pregame prediction was Gamblers 6, Lumberjacks 3. The UVHL Gambling Department has since disconnected its phones, deleted its spreadsheets, and fled the jurisdiction.

First Period: A Duke, a Jumbo, and a Lot of Empty Promises

Just 90 seconds in, the Lumberjacks put on a clinic in patience. Jordy “McNasty” McGee won the neutral-zone puck back to Jake Charles, whose breakout pass split two Gambler forwards like a divorce attorney dividing up the lake house. McGee circled behind the net and found “Jumbo” Joe Caramante waiting in the slot. 1–0 Lumberjacks.

The Gamblers responded with volume. Lots of it. Matty “The Milkman” Marrazzo fed Aaron “D-Man” Damren on a two-on-one, only for McCormick to slide across the crease faster than a 45-year-old divorced guy sliding into the DMs of someone who graduated college last spring. Will “The Thrill” Meyer jumped on the rebound. The Duke said no again. Two chances, zero goals, and one very expensive emotional support system wearing goalie pads.

At 6:08, Marrazzo tried the five-hole and Billy Rivellini attacked the rebound. Still nothing. The Gamblers were generating enough chances to file for an offensive tax credit, but McCormick remained uninterested.

Meanwhile, the Lumberjacks were treating Gambler defensive coverage like an open invitation to a private party. Nate “Cool Hand” DeLuca had two breakaways: one glove-side attempt and one five-hole attempt. Tucker “Big Sexy” Garrity-Hanchett denied both. Jay “The Zamboni” Zanleoni got another clean look and rang the outside of the post. Jake Charles also found iron from the high slot.

First intermission: Lumberjacks 1, Gamblers 0. Shots: Gamblers 14, Lumberjacks 7. The Gamblers owned the shot counter. The Lumberjacks owned the scoreboard. And both goaltenders had already earned their postgame beverages.

Second Period: Jordy McGee Commits a Felony Against Defensive Geometry

For most of the second period, absolutely nothing happened. Outside shots. Missed nets. Routine saves. The kind of hockey that makes the Zamboni driver wonder whether he should have brought a book.

Then, with 2:05 remaining, Jordy “McNasty” McGee apparently grew bored with the concept of teammates.

McGee collected the puck behind his own net, started the breakout himself, carried through the neutral zone, and threw an inside-out move on Aaron “D-Man” Damren so filthy it probably violated several local ordinances. He accelerated around the defenseman, cut across the crease, and tucked the puck around Big Sexy’s outstretched leg.

2–0 Lumberjacks. Coast to coast. One man. No assistance required. Goal-of-the-year material.

Jordy McGee is a sick puppy. Somewhere, Damren is still looking for the license plate of the truck that just drove around him.

Second intermission: Lumberjacks 2, Gamblers 0. Shots through two: Gamblers 25, Lumberjacks 13. The Gamblers had twice as many reasons to be frustrated and no idea how to fix any of them.

Third Period: DeLuca Closes the Casino

The Gamblers came out firing. Max Woods dropped a pass to Ryan “Goose” LaCroix, whose low blocker-side shot looked dangerous until McCormick casually kicked it away. Eight seconds later, Jake Charles stormed down the near side and hit another post. At this point the Lumberjacks had struck so much iron that the arena should have started charging a blacksmithing fee.

At 12:25, Kordell Lindsay kept the puck alive along the boards, Jordy “McNasty” McGee curled into the middle and drew two Gamblers toward him, then slid a backhand feed to Nate “Cool Hand” DeLuca waiting back door. Quick snapper upstairs. 3–0. The Gambler defense had successfully guarded McGee and completely forgotten the guy who actually scores goals.

Neil “The Real Deal” MacKenzie later found himself on yet another breakaway, but missed high glove-side. The Gamblers’ defense was now handing out solo scoring opportunities like promotional drink tickets at a casino grand opening.

With 5:05 left, Derek Lovejoy fired a shot-pass into traffic after a faceoff win. Neil “The Real Deal” MacKenzie tipped it, jammed at the rebound, and Nate “Cool Hand” DeLuca cleaned up the garbage. 4–0. It was not a beautiful goal, but beauty is overrated when you’re busy burying the preseason favorite.

The Gamblers finally broke through 35 seconds later. Mike Yukica chipped the puck up the boards to Matty “The Milkman” Marrazzo, who floated a gorgeous pass to a streaking Billy Rivellini. Rivellini went backhand to forehand and beat McCormick. 4–1. A perfectly executed rush, and a reminder that the Gamblers still had functioning hockey players somewhere beneath the wreckage.

Then Jake Charles took the game’s only penalty, a hooking minor at 3:23. The Gamblers pulled Big Sexy for the extra attacker, creating a six-on-four advantage. The Lumberjacks responded with a disciplined penalty-killing box, which was especially confusing because this is the same organization that occasionally treats defensive positioning as an urban legend.

At 2:04, Nate “Cool Hand” DeLuca found a loose puck in the far corner and launched it roughly 180 feet into the empty net. Shorthanded. Unassisted. Hat trick complete. 5–1 Lumberjacks. Somewhere, the casino’s security cameras caught the exact moment the house went bankrupt.

The Duke: 39 Shots, 38 Saves, One Giant Middle Finger

Let’s be clear: this was Luke “The Duke” McCormick’s game. The Gamblers outshot the Lumberjacks 39–21, including 14–7 in the first and 14–8 in the third. McCormick finished with a .974 save percentage and turned away breakaways, rebounds, odd-man rushes, and just about every bad idea the Gamblers could invent.

And before anybody starts dumping on Tucker “Big Sexy” Garrity-Hanchett, Big Sexy was hardly the villain. He stopped multiple breakaways, got help from the posts, and made several big saves. His final line—16 saves on 20 shots, .800—looks rough, but the fifth goal came into an empty net, and his defense occasionally seemed to be operating on a strict “thoughts and prayers” coverage system.

“I thought we played pretty well,” said a completely fictional Gambler after the game. “Then I looked up and realized we’d lost by four. Apparently shots on goal are not redeemable for actual goals.”

The Three Stars: A Duke, a McNasty, and a Hat Trick

First Star — Luke “The Duke” McCormick: 38 saves on 39 shots, .974 save percentage. The best player on the ice, full stop. He didn’t steal this game so much as walk into the casino, empty the vault, and leave a thank-you note.

Second Star — Jordy “McNasty” McGee: One goal, two assists, three points. Set up the opener, orchestrated DeLuca’s first, and authored a coast-to-coast goal that should come with its own soundtrack.

Third Star — Nate “Cool Hand” DeLuca: Three goals, including the shorthanded empty-netter. Five goals in two games to start the season. Some guys need a month to find their scoring touch. DeLuca apparently found his in the parking lot.

The Standings: The Lumberjacks Are Actually Good?

The Lumberjacks move to 2–0–0, second in the five-team league, with 11 goals for, four against, and a +7 differential. Nate “Cool Hand” DeLuca and Jordy “McNasty” McGee are tied for the team scoring lead with five points each; DeLuca has five goals, McGee has three goals and two assists. Neil “The Real Deal” MacKenzie has three points, while Jay “The Zamboni” Zanleoni and Zach “Night And” Dayno have two apiece.

The Gamblers fall to 1–1–0, third in the standings, with five goals for, six against, and a ?1 differential. Matty “The Milkman” Marrazzo leads with three points; Luke “Spider” Webster, Max Woods, and Will “The Thrill” Meyer have two each. Tucker “Big Sexy” Garrity-Hanchett is now 1–1 with a 2.50 season GAA and .878 save percentage.

For the Lumberjacks, Luke “The Duke” McCormick improves to 2–0–0, 2.00 GAA, .943 SV%. If the Duke keeps playing like this, the rest of the league may have to petition for larger nets.

The Historical Footnote: Twenty-Seven Wins and One Very Loud Exception

The Gamblers still lead the all-time series 27–14. They still own years of psychological real estate inside the Lumberjacks’ collective skull. But their five-game winning streak in this matchup is over, and the Lumberjacks just delivered the kind of statement that turns a rivalry from a routine mugging into something genuinely interesting.

A 5–1 win while being outshot by 18? That’s not a blueprint any coach should recommend. It is, however, an absolutely glorious way to ruin somebody else’s Wednesday.

“We had a game plan,” claimed an entirely imaginary Lumberjacks spokesperson. “It was mostly Luke, followed by Jordy doing something illegal, followed by Nate scoring three times. Very sophisticated stuff.”

Final Word: The House Lost. Badly.

The Gamblers had the puck. The Gamblers had the shots. The Gamblers had the history, the favorite’s label, and enough offensive talent to make most beer-league opponents nervous.

The Lumberjacks had the Duke, McNasty, and a man named DeLuca who apparently considers hat tricks an acceptable Wednesday hobby.

Final: Lumberjacks 5, Gamblers 1. The house doesn’t always win. Sometimes the house gets robbed by a goalie and a couple of lunatics with sticks.