THE

UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

Nordiques
Whalers
1st
0
1
2rd
2
3
3rd
3
1
FINAL
5
5
Shots
27
27
January 6th, 2009 - 8:05PM
Pre-Game
Recap
Box Score
Discussion
Game ID: 533

Nordiques Versus Whalers

I'll tell you what, we may have a different outlook in the UVHL if we only played 2 periods, because the Whalers have the insane ability to play good & hard hockey through 2 periods and usually with a lead, but then collapse in the 3rd period like a jenga tower made of buffalo wings infront of Shawn McDermott. (Fat Joke) "I've never seen anything like it" said one scout from a 3rd world country. "It's like......like they are already mentally at the bar, in bed or their favorite gay stripclub." said a local shop owner. The Whalers good play was compounded by the L.V.P.(Least Valuable Player) play of Kelly "Captain Turnover" Park who was clearly the worst player in the northeast tonight. Park was responsible for putting one goal into his own net and also giving another perfect breakaway goal to the Whalers. Those two mishaps, along with at least 6 or 7 other horrific plays have Park contemplating either retirement or suicide. "That was the worst game I have every played, I felt like Tao Smith out there tonight......turnovers, Mistakes & Panic." said Park.

Right off the bat the Whalers jumped on all of the loose pucks and won all of the 1 on 1 battles. You could clearly tell that they wanted it more. In net for the Nords was Johnny "Temper Tantrum" Turner who was returning from a 30 day suspension of SHAME for assaulting referee Gregory "STD" Hadley. Turner, who was playing in his second game of the night, was less than stellar as he left rebounds all over the slot & misplayed some weak girlie shots from the Whalers. At the other end of the ice was Kenny "French Maid" Lallier who kept his team in it, but the Whaler's collapsed yet again like a cheap card table with 100 lbs of dog shit piled on top.

Regardless of the Whalers dismal play in the 3rd, they dominated the Nords early on and scored the only goal of the first period, with 1:51 to play, on a BEAUTIFUL tic-tac-toe goal that left Turner flailing like a fish out of water. The play started when Chris "Google" Gogan hit Todd "The Rat" Nallette through center ice with a perfect pass. Nallette walked down the near boards faked a shot which turned the defenseman and then feathered a perfect pass backdoor to Liam "The Leprechaun" Oliver back door. It was by far the most beautiful play of the game.

END OF THE FIRST: Nordiques ZERO, Whalers 1
SAVES: Turner(NDQ) 5, Lallier(WHL) 6

The second period was back and forth as both goalies had to make 9 saves and scored 3 goals apiece. The first was a complete embarrassment for Park as he pulled a rebound from in front of his own net, started to head behind the net but had his head so far up his ass that he didn't see Jason "Leaping" Loomis flying in. Loomis poke checked the puck right off of Park's stick and into the Nordiques own net to give the Whale a 2-0 lead. The Nordiques retorted with a goal of their own when "Jumpin'" Dan Jodice took a pass from Jordan "Knight" McGee & beat Lallier with a quick wrister at 6:02 of the second. The Leprechaun scored his second of the night when Todd Nallette sent him in all alone. Oliver threw a quick wrister that topped out at 10 MPH which beat Turner up over the glove side pad. It was definitely a save Turner would have made if he was on top of his game. Tommy "The Minister Of Defense" Dakai cut the lead back to one goal with a blast from the point and 2:12 to play. Turner looked like a shooter tooter just 28 seconds later as big Chucky Gaede walked down the near boards and let a blistering 24 MPH slapshot rip from the tops of the circles. The puck slid right along the ice, under Turner's stick and through his gaping 5-hole. The Nordiques kept pressing for the last minute and finally scrored when Shawn "Blue Cheese" McDermott made 3 spin-o-ramas coming out of his own zone, beat another 4 guys in the neutral zone with toe-drags, did a crapser-o-rama at the blue line to beat another 6 defenders followed by another 3 toedrags before finding Johnny "Walker" McGee back door with only 4.5 seconds to play making it a 4-3 game.

END OF THE SECOND: Nordiques 3, Whalers 4
SAVES: Turner(NDQ) 14, Lallier(WHL) 15

The 3rd was a bit more one sided as the Nordiques started to outplay the Whale, that is until Park made his SECOND horrific play of the game and tried making a cross-ice pass from the far corner through his own zone, not to mention he was the last man back. The ill-advised pass wasn't even in the air and landed right on the stick of Nallette at top of the near circle. Nallette walked in with another Whaler but lit Turner up with a quick snapper up under the cross bar for what looked like the NAIL IN THE COFFIN with 8:08 to play in the game. The Nord's bounced back with a power play goal at 4:15 when Roger "The Dirty Dentist" Phillips feathered a beautiful pass from the near boards through two Whalers to Park who was streaking to the back door. Park one timed a quick low shot that went back across the grain inside the near post and 4:15 to play. I'd like to say that Park's goal redeemed him on the evening, but in all reality it's gonna take another 30 or so goals to do that. It only took 17 seconds for Big Tommy Dakai to tie the game and force a shootout.

END OF REGULATION: Nordiques 5, Whalers 5
SAVLES: Turner(NDQ) 22, Lallier(WHL) 22

SHOOTOUT:

N: Johnny McGee missed wide. NO GOAL
W: Liam Oliver went left to right and bobbled the puck NO GOAL
N: Jordan McGee beat Lallier with a quick snapper 5-hole. SCORE
W: Joey Hayes got stuffed 5-hole. NO GOAL
N: Ian Coates beat Lallier upstairs glove side: SCORE

LEAGUE PICK 'EM
 0%
Nordiques
0% 
Whalers
PICKS
THREE STARS

Tom Dakai

GOALS: 2
POINTS: 2

Todd Nalette

GOALS: 1
POINTS: 3

Liam Oliver

GOALS: 2
POINTS: 2

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