UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

ODDS:	Brewers by 4 goals
OVER/UNDER:	6 goals

The consistent Brewers(6-3-0) host the dismal Nordiques(5-2-2) who are winless in their last 4 games. The Brewers keep rolling along winning two thirds of their games behind good goaltending from Petey "The Butt-Master" Bartline, solid defense with Danny "Super Chunk" Charette, Sean "McPussy" McCabe and Garren "Twigs" Poirier & some offensive studs; Billy "The Kid" Fletcher & Brian "I have no creative nickname for him" Smith.

The Nordiques have been stellar in their own end giving up only 3.11 goals per game, but their offense has been NON-EXISTENT in the last two games with only one goal for. The Nordiques will be without all-star center Ian "Pants" Coates and will need to rely on 3rd line center Tao "Captain Turnover" Smith to jump up and contribute.

My prediction is that the Nordiques will be put in one on Bartline.....losing 5-1.

The Return of "Baylsaac" dooms Brewers in 5-2 loss to the lowly Nords.

The Brewers welcomed home two of their offensive Juggernauts tonight when Nick "The Stick" Bayley & Christian "Boy Genius" Isaac. The two have just returned from a 2 month gay pride tour of Miami Florida, where they spread everything including their legs. WOW, it didn't take long to tear into them, I MISSED THOSE TWO!!!! Unfortunately for the Brewers, the re-emergence of the brothers grim may have been too big of a distraction for the Brewers as they looked a bit off the entire game.

Despite the distraction of "Baylsaac", the Brewers tallied two quick goals in the first 3 minutes. The goals were almost identical but from different sides of the net. On both goals, Bayley and Isaac took the defensemen wide and fired a quick low shot on J-Red "The Condor" Condon. Condon, who was wearing new pads, left juicy rebounds that went right back to the goal scorer who in turn had to fire a tight shot right along the goal line past the disheveled netminder who looked like a new born horse on the ice. Things were looking pretty grim for the Nordiques, but 32 seconds later Kelly "If I Skated Any Slower I Would Be In" Park intercepted a Danny "Super Chunk" Charette breakout pass at the Brewers blueline. Park found Jordan "McNuggets" McGee storming into the zone, taking the pass, cutting back on a defender in the high slot and fired a quick wrister high blocker on Petey "The Giant Net Condom" Bartline. The highlight of the next 10 minutes was when ex-player turned Ref Greg Hadley, who was reffing without a cup, was drilled in the nuts by a puck. The scorekeeper, Ben "Smartass" Saunders had some good quotes on this one....."Hadley drilled in the nuts with 10:30 to go in the first period, luckily his balls are so small it had little to no effect.....Greg "I got smashed in my small Nadleys". The Nord's found some brotherly love as Johnny "The Bearded Mute" McGee sent his brother Jordan in on a breakaway. Jordan threw a little head fake at Bartline before depositing the puck into Bartline's gaping 5-hole.

END OF THE FIRST: Brewers 2, Nordiques 2
SAVES: Bartline(BRE) 9, Condon(NDQ) 6

McGee added two more breakaway goals to put the NOrdiques up 4-2. The first came when Garren "Stick Figure" Poirier tried pulling a Mite-C toe drag on Nordiques superstar defenseman, Kelly Park, at the Nord's blue line. Park poke check the puck to center ice where McGee turned the jets on and Bartline shit his pants again. McGee's 2nd breakaway of the period was on a horrific Brew Crew line change when "Jason Yehle was totally out of position on that breakaway" and McGee beat Barty top corner on the blocker side.

END OF THE SECOND: Brewers 2, Nordiques 4
SAVES: Bartline(BRE) 15, Condon(NDQ) 13

The Brewers had some chances early and often in the 3rd as the Nord's Davey "Whippit" Willis was in the box for a hook. Condon turned away at least 4 shots during the Penalty Kill, keeping the Nord's in it. The Brewers ended up out-shooting the Nords 15-3 in the period, but were only able to tally one goal to match the Nords. Danny "Jumpin" Jodice put the Nords up 5-2 from McGee & Andy "The Pooch" Puchilak with 7:41 to play, but the Brewer's weren't willing to give up. They pounded the Nordiques defensive end before adding a goal with 1:36 to play when a puck was dumped into the zone, off a Nordique foot and into the slot where Billy "The Kid" Fletcher fired a knuckler up and over Condon.

END OF REGULATION: Brewers 3, Nordiques 5
SAVES: Bartline(BRE) 18, Condon(NDQ) 28

 

Team:	Time:	Type:	Player:	Details:
1st PERIOD
BRE	14:27	Goal	Isaac, Christian(2)	Assist(s): Poirier, Garren(5)
BRE	12:01	Goal	Bayley, Nick(4)	Assist(s): McCabe, Sean(9)
NDQ	11:29	Goal	McGee, Jordan(6)	Assist(s): Park, Kelly(8)
NDQ	00:05	Goal	McGee, Jordan(7)	Assist(s): McGee, John(6)
2nd PERIOD
NDQ	11:23	Goal	McGee, Jordan(8)	Assist(s): Park, Kelly(9)
NDQ	03:14	Goal	McGee, Jordan(9)	Assist(s): McGee, John(7)
3rd PERIOD
NDQ	12:16	Penalty	Willis, David(1)	2 minutes for Hooking
BRE	10:33	Penalty	Yehle, Jason(3)	2 minutes for Hooking
NDQ	07:41	Goal	Jodice, Daniel(4)	Assist(s): McGee, Jordan(11) Puchalik, Andrew(1)
BRE	03:15	Penalty	Poirier, Garren(7)	2 minutes for Roughing
NDQ	03:15	Penalty	McGee, John(1)	2 minutes for Roughing
BRE	01:36	Goal	Fletcher, Bill(18)	Assist(s): Yehle, Jason(3)

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Game Comments:
hkydoc WRJ, VT Registered: Jan 2004 Posts: 517	Have no fear! Dec 16th, 2008 03:28 PM I OWN BAYLEY AND ISAAC! McDefense
kpark Quechee, VT Registered: Dec 2003 Posts: 723	Yup Dec 19th, 2008 02:45 PM McBuffalWings definitely did own those two jamokes. Although, I don't really think I'd be bragging about owning two guys that have been roasting in the hot Florida sun for 2 months without even thinking about hockey, ice or the great white North.
hkydoc WRJ, VT Registered: Jan 2004 Posts: 517	NIce job "SUPERSTAR" Dec 24th, 2008 05:31 PM Funny, accurate, biting humor, but not quite enough self-depricating enough write-up there, Park...or should I say "supahstaaah"? I laughed out loud at the first paragraph, which was brilliant, and I love the new name "Baylsaac". Oh, yeah...I wasn't bragging about owning those two defensively - I put that in there BEFORE the game, eh, just to bust some balls in case they checked the website prior to thte puck dropping. No need to brag or rub anyone's nose in it, our performance spoke for itself as a great team game. MERRY CHRISTMAS to all UVHLers!