UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

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5 and a half Nordiques out-heart & outlast Drunken Brewers.

It was a game with the most dire of consequences.......the post-game bar tab at Bentley's. The Nordiques, plagued by injuries & unreliability had only 5 and a half players for the 3rd place showdown against a VERY good Brewers squad. The Brewers on the other hand, motivated by beer, arrived with all but one 2 of their Brew Crew in hopes of swigging some free Long Trails after the game. Little did the Brewers know that the Nordiques paid Bartline $15 to throw the game, oh and a back massage from Nord's Captain Tao Smith. Bartline was a little too eager, and in retrospect, we probably could have gotten him to throw the game just for the back massage.

The Nordiques were powered by a 7 point night from Ian "Snaggle Toothed Golden Boy" Coates, another strong performance from Johnny "Love Handles" Turner (42 saves) and the return of Kelly "The Gimp" Park (47 turnovers). Park made up the 1/2 a player and looked like a paraplegic with a stick up his ass out on the ice, but seemed to have some sort of motivational inspiration by returning to the ice. I personally thought he sucked and was a liability out there, but that's just my thoughts on my own game.

The Brewers may have come in too confidently, thinking that they were going to run over the short benched Nordiques behind the offensive mastery from Nick "Dr. McSelfish" Bayley (2g, 2a), Christian "Dr. McNoPassThePuck" Isaac (1g) & Alfonse "The FONZE" Sorrentino (2a). But as history will show, when a team enters a game, underestimates an opponent due to lack of numbers, their intensity tends to drop which may have been the beneficial attribute for the Nordiques' success.

The Brewers did manage to open up the scoring almost 9 minutes in when "Dr. McSelfish" put one past Turner off of a Davey "Mulligan" Mullins pass. Greg "Oglethorp" Marsh blasted the Nordiques back to even just 16 seconds later as he scared some yellowish liquid right out of Petey "Five-Hole" Bartline with a 97 MPH slapshot through the wickets off of a pass from "Snaggletoothed" Coates. Coates assisted Marsh with just 49 seconds to go in the first The Brewers countered with just 16 seconds to go with a Christian Isaac goal that tied the game at 2 apiece.

END OF THE FIRST
Nordiques 2, Brewers 2
SAVES: Turner(Nords) 6, Bartline(Brewers) 12

The second period was all Nordiques as they netted all 3 of the goals in the period to go ahead 5-2, despite being outshot 15-5. You could say that all 8 shots by the Nords in the period were great scoring opportunities, or you could say that Bartline sucked donkey balls in the 2nd period......Nord's captain Tao Smith said "Bartline was great, we were just better......WAY FRICKIN' BETTER!!!!" Tao Smith got his first of the night when he became disoriented in the offensive zone. Smith, again thought he was in the defensive zone and tried getting the puck out of the zone, but somehow threw it at the Brewers net, scoring by accident. Greg "Mongoloid" Marsh got his hatrick with 12:22 to go as he hammered home an empty netter off of a Coates rebound. Coates made it 5-2 with 5:05 remaining off of a "Nightmare" pass.

A notable on the period was that the Nordiques token chubby dude, Shawn McBuffaloWings played the entire 2nd and 3rd periods without a break. If you got close enough, you could see and smell the blue cheese coming out of his pores. "The Gimp" Park ended up playing the entire 2nd half of the game without a substitution and no ACL in his left knee. This either states that the Brewers are very pathetic in the offensive zone or that McDiesel & Park are the best defensive pairing above the Mason Dixon line. I'm going with the Brewers being pathetic for not being able to score 20 goals on a blue cheese sweating part time sumo wrester and a 1 legged turnover machine.

END OF THE SECOND:
NORDIQUES 5, Brewers 2
SAVES: Turner(Nords) 21, Bartline(Brewers) 17

The 3rd period did take a bit of a turn for the Brewers as they managed to net 5 goals to the Nordiques 3. The Nordiques fell back into an exhaustion induced trap that seemed to work for most the first 13 minutes of the period before the Brewers tacked on 3 in the last 2:01. Poli "The Nightmare" Nightingale got his first of the night just 72 seconds in when he threw a weak shot from the bottom of the faceoff circle, off the pad of Bartline who was posted up in a butterfly. Dr. Bayley reported to the scoring circle with just over 12 minutes to go to cut the Nords lead in half....6-3, followed by a Davey "The Mule" Mullins goal with 8:17 to go bring the Brewers back within 2 goals. Ian "Snaggletooth" Coates put the Nordiques back up by 3 after intercepting a Christian Isaac pass at the Brewer's blue line to walk in all alone on Bartleby. Coates then said "boo" which scared Bartline out of the net and made his black vulcanized rubber deposit into the back of the net. The Brewers started to turn the tide in the last 3 or 4 minutes before Brian "The CEO" Walsh, who wasn't even at the game, was credited with a goal with 2:01 remaining. Walshy teleported himself straight from a vat of Long Trail Blackberry Wheat and right in front of a rebound that Turner left in the slot where he burried to bring the Brewers back within 2 goals before teleporting back to Long Trail for a swim in a new experiment called Long Trail HGH.

Down by 2 goals, the Brewer's captain decided to pull Bartline for an extra attacker. That is when the Nordique's "Nightmare" Nightingale struck, firing a quick wrister / knuckle puck down the ice with ALL OF HIS MIGHT. The puck seemed to be going in slow motion as it barely crossed the goal line, with 1:47 to go, for what would eventually be the game winning goal. The Brewers were down by 3 goals, but turned on the afterburners, sucked down 14 cases of Red Bull & started plucking their nose hairs to wake up. They DOMINATED the last minute and a half, as all the Nordiques could do to get out of their own way was to either move out of the way so Turner could make the saves or ice the puck. With 15 seconds to go Danny Charrette was pinching down in the zone and burried a pass from Mullins while sitting on the back door to bring the Brewers within 2 goals again. As I lined up for the faceoff, I contemplated yelling out to the Brewers "Mmmmm, those FREE Long Trails are going to taste really good after the game" but chose otherwise which may have been a good thing, as Davey Mullins took the faceoff win from his own blue line, up center ice and fired a knuckler that lulled Turner to sleep before taking a right turn in the upper left corner with only 7 seconds remaining and putting the fear of GOD In the Nordiques. The Nordiques strategized to hold the red line and not let Turner give up another easy one for the game tying goal. The plan worked giving the Nordqiues one of the most HEROIC playoff wins the UVHL has ever seen.

Post game was a celebration of epic proportions, as McDermott bathed in a tub of Blue Cheese, Turner screamed at himself for the Mullins goal and pulled out 3/4 of his back hair. Greg Marsh started singing the Munster's theme song and walking around like Lurch. Ian Coates proudly reported that he had 7 points on the night and proceeded to pat himself on his own back until he was black and blue. Toa Smith pulled out his "Hockey Quotes 101" book and said all the WRONG things. Poli Nightingale started shaving his chest for his big Synchronized Swimming tournament finals later that night and Kelly Park took off his knee brace and proceeded to shave his vagina.

On the other end of the ice, Nick Bayley beat the shit out of Bartline. Bartline cried himself to sleep in the corner while dreaming of Christain Isaac's nude form. Isaac went to the bathroom and flexed until midnight. Dan Charrette had his nightly McDonald's delivery right to the locker room. Mike Hickey pondered retirement and picking up figure skating. The Adam's brothers got in a tag team wresting match with CJ & Poirier. Mullins was negotiating his Brewers contract with Sorrentino, looking for a multi year deal.

Great game had by all. Just a good sweat with the guys!!!!

 

Team:	Time:	Type:	Player:	Details:
1st PERIOD
NDQ	14:21	Penalty	Park, Kelly(1)	2 minutes for Roughing
BRE	08:43	Penalty	Adams, Chris(10)	2 minutes for Slashing
BRE	06:22	Goal	Bayley, Nick(15)	Assist(s): Mullins, David(12) Sorrentino, Alfonse(6)
NDQ	06:06	Goal	Marsh, Greg(4)	Assist(s): Coates, Ian(5)
BRE	02:45	Penalty	Johnson, Chris(2)	2 minutes for Hooking
NDQ	00:49	Goal	Marsh, Greg(5)	Assist(s): Coates, Ian(6)
BRE	00:16	Goal	Isaac, Christian(8)	Assist(s): Adams, Chris(3)
2nd PERIOD
NDQ	14:40	Goal	Smith, Tao(4)	Assist(s): Nightingale, Poli(1) Coates, Ian(7)
NDQ	12:22	Goal	Marsh, Greg(6)	Assist(s): Coates, Ian(8)
BRE	12:22	Penalty	Adams, Chris(11)	2 minutes for Unsportsmanlike
NDQ	05:05	Goal	Coates, Ian(10)	Assist(s): Smith, Tao(4) Nightingale, Poli(2)
3rd PERIOD
NDQ	13:48	Goal	Nightingale, Poli(1)	Assist(s): Coates, Ian(9) Marsh, Greg(5)
BRE	12:09	Goal	Bayley, Nick(16)	Assist(s): Sorrentino, Alfonse(7) Adams, Chris(4)
NDQ	09:58	Penalty	Park, Kelly(2)	2 minutes for Tripping
BRE	08:17	Goal	Mullins, David(2)	Assist(s): Bayley, Nick(9)
NDQ	05:56	Goal	Coates, Ian(11)	Assist(s): none
BRE	02:01	Goal	Hickey, Michael(1)	Assist(s): Charette, Dan(5) McCabe, Sean(4)
NDQ	01:47	Goal	Nightingale, Poli(2)	Assist(s): Turner, John(1)
BRE	00:15	Goal	Charette, Dan(2)	Assist(s): Mullins, David(13) Lyle, Joe(1)
BRE	00:07	Goal	Mullins, David(3)	Assist(s): McCabe, Sean(5) Bayley, Nick(10)

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Game Comments:
hkydoc WRJ, VT Registered: Jan 2004 Posts: 517	Best game EVER for the Nords? Mar 17th, 2008 06:15 PM This could have quite possibly been the best game ever in the history of the Nordiques. 7 players playing their very best UVHL game ever on one night in the same game, holding off a dangerous, and motivated, high powered Brewers squad looking for their first taste of UVHL hardware. IT WAS AWESOME!!!