UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

1st Period

11:36 — LMJ 1–0
It starts with Greg “Monstah” Marsh putting a puck behind the net where Jordy “McKuckles” McGee picks it up. Whalers’ Nate “Not So Great” Robinson contributes a weak poke-check (museum-quality effort), McGee goes behind the net, and the Whalers collectively form a support group in the slot: Lochlan Park, Brandon Chiasson, and Dan Fenton all stand there watching… while Nate “Not In This Slot” DeLuca sneaks behind them for a redirect inside the far post. Great play by the Lumberjacks. Horrible defense by the Whale. (McGee to DeLuca — the “how are you STILL open?” connection.)

10:49 — WHL 1–1
The Whalers respond immediately with a “fine, we’ll try effort” sequence. Fenton starts it by regrouping to defenseman Chiasson, Chiasson hits Big Game James at the blue line, a HARD dump finds Fenton in the far corner, and Fenton throws a no-look pass to McCormick in the slot. McCormick chips it over his brother’s blocker. Great play by WHL, also… questionable LMJ coverage.

Also in the 1st: With 9:30 left, Scotty “Too Hotty” Christian takes a nap and lets DeLuca behind him. Neil “The Real Deal” MacKenzie springs him on a breakaway, but Jered “The Condor” Condon plays it perfectly and shuts the door. (The crowd of five went mild.)

4:48 — LMJ 2–1
The Lumberjacks strike again on a 2-on-1 born from two crisp breakout passes: Dayno to McGee, McGee to DeLuca with Andrew Kimbell as the decoy. DeLuca’s speed was too much for Chiasson — (who only skates hard when the puck is on his stick) — and DeLuca tucks it five-holio on Condon.

End of 1st: Whalers 1, Lumberjacks 2
Shots: Whalers 12, Lumberjacks 11

2nd Period

14:47 — LMJ 3–1
Thirteen seconds into the period the Lumberjacks bring down the axe. McGee gets the puck below the goal line (again), finds MacKenzie alone in the slot (again), and MacKenzie beats Condon high blocker side while four Whalers puck-watch like it’s premium streaming content.

At 12:50: If you were smart enough to bet “Nate Robinson takes a bad-angle, no-chance, hail-mary shot from the boards” at +50,000… congratulations, you’re now the league’s official finance guy. He did it. Of course he did.

11:37: Dillan Pierce takes the first penalty of the game taking down Lochlan Park (called tripping, looked more like interference). The Whalers power play lacked power, created a bad-angle look from Benjamin, and a soft “shot/pass” from Rusty Teller. They did skate around the perimeter beautifully though. 10/10 cardio.

8:31 — WHL 2–3
Big Game James strips Kimbell at the point and sends Fenton away on a 2-on-1 with McCormick joining. Fenton shoots low with purpose, a rebound explodes into the slot, and McCormick buries it. Two shots, two goals for Big Game James on his brother. Family holiday dinner status: complicated.

Nate Robinson had a point-blank backdoor chance on the same shift, but Luke McCormick comes across for the big save. (Robinson then stared into the middle distance, questioning every choice he’s ever made.)

6:09 — WHL 3–3
A full-team effort goal, meaning it was suspicious and therefore beautiful: Logan Caffrey makes a great play behind his own goal line and chips it off the glass to Cavan Benjamin. Benjy pushes to Blaine Gour, and suddenly it’s a 2-on-1 with Benjy. Gour dishes, Benjy walks down the near side and snipes top corner blocker side. Tie game. Doom for the eight-skater Lumberjacks begins to creep in.

The Whalers then take over, holding the Lumberjacks shotless for the final 6 minutes of the period. Jason Yehle takes a hooking call with 24 seconds left (only 6 shots allowed in the frame), and we head to intermission with the universe wobbling.

End of 2nd: Whalers 3, Lumberjacks 3
Shots: Whalers 16, Lumberjacks 6

Bonus misery: Ben Rouillard throws a head-fake in neutral ice, walks a defender, goes in alone… but Upper Valley lore says the kid is all Swedish and no Finnish. Save by McCormick.

3rd Period

If the Whalers power play in the second was bad, the Lumberjacks power play in the third was downright depressing. The Whalers PK outshoots and out-possesses LMJ, with Benjamin stripping a Lumberjack on the boards, cutting to the crease, and forcing McCormick to close the five-hole — then recover to stop Gour on the rebound. Benjy was like a dog on a bone.

Benjamin then takes a bad slashing call with 48 seconds left because, sure, why not sprinkle in a little chaos seasoning.

End of 3rd: Whalers 3, Lumberjacks 3
Shots (3rd): Whalers 5, Lumberjacks 12