1st Period
13:57 – Lumberjacks 1, Tuck 0: Early pressure forced a Tuck defender to flip one out—only for Park to snatch it up in the neutral zone. He waited for the Jacks to clear, beat a Tuckie at the blue line, went wide, and sent a backhand pass across the royal road to Will McGee for the backdoor tap-in. Clean. Efficient. Disrespectfully adult for a 21-year-old.
13:21 – Lumberjacks 2, Tuck 0: Forty-six seconds later, Evan Seely fired a point shot that dropped below the goal line. Jordy McGee, facing the boards, dropped it between his legs, between two defenders’ legs, and onto Andrew Kimbell in the slot for a one-timer blocker side. It was filthy in a “this should require a shower” kind of way.
10:15 – Lumberjacks 3, Tuck 0: More Seely point-shot chaos. First one gets blocked and lands on Neil “The Real Deal” MacKenzie at the far boards. MacKenzie cycles behind the net, finds Seely in the middle, Seely fires again… blocked again. MacKenzie grabs it behind the net, curls out, looks at Seely and basically says, “No chance, buddy. You don’t get a third try.” He walks into the middle and beats Lockwood blocker side, halfway up the net like he was placing a letter into a mailbox.
Ten minutes in and Tuck still hadn’t registered a shot. Their first came on a Max Plonsker partial breakaway around the 9-minute mark—an event celebrated on the Tuck bench the way you celebrate finally finding your keys after 20 minutes of accusing everyone in your house of stealing them.
7:48 – Lumberjacks 4, Tuck 0: Drew Miraldi sprung McGee in the neutral zone. McGee hit Nate DeLuca wide and crashed the net. DeLuca returned the favor with a backdoor feed and McGee buried it. Textbook. Cruel. Very “stop resisting.”
7:12 – Tuck 1, Lumberjacks 4: Tuck finally woke up when Maclean “Stolen Valor” Lalor picked up a puck in his own zone, cut laterally across the ice, entered on the near boards, and did a classic Lalor thing: looked pass while firing an absolute laser from the bottom of the circle—under the bar, top cheese, top shelf, where mama keeps the good candy. Wicked shot on teenage goalie Edson, who (I’m guessing) hasn’t seen that kind of men’s-league heat in her career yet.
Edson responded with a calm blocker save on Plonsker in the slot, while Lockwood decided to go on a personal heater of his own— turning away four high-grade looks including a Nico Brands breakaway and a Kimbell-in-the-slot chance that Lockwood somehow read perfectly.
“Honestly, I just closed my eyes and prayed,” Lockwood allegedly said. “It’s worked for both my hockey and professional lives so far, why change it?”
Not to be outdone, Edson stuffed Luke Kathmann alone in the slot late. The two goalies were basically the only reason the score wasn’t 9–1 after one.
End of 1st: Tuck 1, Lumberjacks 4 | Shots: Tuck 5, Lumberjacks 15
2nd Period
13:13 – Lumberjacks 5, Tuck 1: MacKenzie started the breakout, McGee beat Kyle Lockwood (no relation to Bill, but yes they share a Costco card to save money), and stormed down the near boards on a 2-on-1 with DeLuca against Lalor. Lalor decided “Hockey 101” was optional and attacked the puck carrier, so McGee cut back and fed DeLuca alone in the slot for the finish.
11:30 – Lumberjacks 6, Tuck 1: A regroup so crisp it should’ve come with a side of ranch: Dillan Pierce touches it, D-to-D, to Park, up to DeLuca, cross-ice back to Pierce, quick bump to Brands, chip to McGee, drop to DeLuca flying in… backhand to forehand, blocker side. The Lumberjacks were moving the puck like the Avalanche playing against Mites. If you listened closely you could hear a Tuck defender whisper, “Please… I have a family.”
10:07 – Lumberjacks 7, Tuck 1: McGee dropped one into the slot for Kimbell and the Jacks cashed again. At this point, both benches asked to run the clock, which is men’s-league code for: “We all know where this is going. Let’s just get to the part where we drink.”
9:00 – Tuck 2, Lumberjacks 7: A rare Lumberjacks icing set a faceoff to Edson’s right. Tuck won it back, and Lalor at the point toe-dragged MacKenzie, stepped into the high slot, and ripped a blistering low shot inside the far post.
“Don’t call it a comeback!” yelled Lalor, cutting it to five.
The Lumberjacks responded with the universal translation: “Ok sure, hold my beer.”
5:57 – Lumberjacks 8, Tuck 2: Turnover the other way and Nico Brands took off 2-on-1 with Kimbell. Brands looked at Kimbell and said (spiritually), “No f***ing way,” snapping it glove side from the dot. Honest work. Selfish art.
2:46 – Lumberjacks 9, Tuck 2: Seely stripped a defender on the rush, hit MacKenzie in stride. Mac’s cutback made a Tuckie fold like a cheap lawn chair, then Mac fed McGee backdoor for the open net. Great move, great pass, great finish. Somewhere, a youth coach just shed a single proud tear.
0:15 – Lumberjacks 10, Tuck 2: Park picked up a loose puck high, fed Brands in the far corner, and Brands feathered a pass to Kimbell, who ripped it top shelf glove side. Lockwood never really had a chance—he was basically a brave volunteer at a dunk tank.
Despite allowing six in the period, Lockwood actually played well. Under siege the entire frame, it was genuinely impressive a man of his age was still vertical at intermission.
End of 2nd: Tuck 2, Lumberjacks 10 | Shots: Tuck 11, Lumberjacks 32
3rd Period
14:20 – Lumberjacks 11, Tuck 2: Park picked off a point shot, toe-dragged a Tuckie (just because), and fed Kimbell at the red line. Kimbell raced in 2-on-1 with Brands and—unlike Brands, and by no coincidence because he’s a Montreal Canadiens fan—he actually passed it. Backdoor feed to Brands for the empty-netter-in-spirit.
13:42 – Lumberjacks 12, Tuck 2: MacKenzie scooped a loose puck off the draw, fed McGee wide, and McGee slipped a nifty backhand to DeLuca entering the zone. DeLuca broke in alone, went backhand-to-forehand, and tucked it five-holio. Lockwood stared into the middle distance like he was about to delete the sport of hockey from his life.
At this point the Lumberjacks finally said “enough’s enough” and started swapping positions—forwards back to defense, defense up to forward—creating the kind of chaotic structure you usually only see in a fire drill. The result: three late Tuck goals and a brief window where the Tuck bench experienced something close to joy. (Or as Tuck calls it: “progress.”)
11:55 – Tuck 3, Lumberjacks 12: Lalor carried with speed, pushed the defense back, and dropped it to Kyle Lockwood in the high slot for a twisted wrister blocker side. Edson learned a valuable lesson: grown-ups can shoot.
5:05 – Lumberjacks 13, Tuck 3: DeLuca worked it down the wall to the goal line and tossed it into the slot. It slid clean through traffic to MacKenzie coming in late, and Mac wired a wrister through a screen glove side. This goal felt personal—like Mac was trying to end the game before someone suggested “just one more.”
4:00 – Tuck 4, Lumberjacks 13: Kyle Lockwood picked a pocket in the neutral zone and hit Lalor in stride. Lalor went wide and roasted “forward playing defenseman” DeLuca, who spun like a top because apparently backward skating is a subscription feature. Lalor snapped it under the bar as Edson went down early.
1:15 – Tuck 5, Lumberjacks 13: Plonsker stripped Pierce at the offensive blue line and broke in alone, beating Edson glove side to end the scoring and preserve the important moral victory of “we scored five.”
Final: Tuck 5, Lumberjacks 13 | Shots: Tuck 18, Lumberjacks 41
